Penis Fallacies and Realities
Men have a common fear when they book in for a Manzilian Wax. Penis size.
New guy arrives at my shop. I steer him into the waxing room. He drops his jocks timidly then looks up at me.
I am his guru, his wise mentor, the ultimate authority, whose task it is to guide him through this perilous new world of waxing.
"Will it make my dick look bigger," he squeaks, "or smaller?"
His eyes dart awkwardly, his cheeks are flushed. He's worried I'm about to laugh at the questionable size of the appendage nestled betwixt his wayward pubes.
"It's a good dick, mate, don't worry."
"Really?"
His joyous reply is an octave higher, his relief complete and pure.
Masculinity is a fading concept
With all the hype about penis enlargements, erectile dysfunction, and premature ejaculation, it's no wonder that guys today are sexually insecure like never before.
It started a few decades ago, in Australia at least, with the slow insidious seeping of prudish American values via TV, politics, religion, and magazines, particularly in regard to male modesty.
The message was every clear. Men should be ashamed of their bodies and cover everything up.
Don't even look at it in the mirror you sick perve, and if it gets hard, punch it.
This attitude was diametrically opposed to Australia's culture of the day.
"It's hot. We live by the pool and on the beach. Wear as little as possible. Just cover up the vitals."
Australian men wore Speedos.
'Togs' as they were commonly called. We invented them a hundred years before. 'The Great Aussie Cozzie' was the jingle on TV.
Speedos were ubiquitous. The idea of wearing shorts to go swimming was mental.
In fact, I remember my primary school coach warning us to never trust men at the pool who wore shorts.
If they were really there to go swimming, they'd wear togs. Only dirty old men wore shorts at the pool, so they could fool stupid kids into checking their pockets for candy.
So here we are today. That logic has been turned on its head.
Apparently, togs are regarded as fetish wear now, rather than logical streamlined attire for swimming.
Meanwhile, modern men are sad, lonely, infantised, medicated, ashamed, insecure, and constantly begging for validation. Thank God for progress, hey?
Screw that. I'm Gen X. I remain a real man, and I don't give a sh*t about your feelings. So, get your arse of the grass. It's time to cut through all this sexually repressed hype.
Here are some hard facts I've gleaned from years of ripping pubes out of men's gonads and chatting away while I do it.
Penis Dimensions
- Average length unaroused is 2-3 inches (50-75mm) base to tip;
- Diameter unaroused: Curl your index finger around your penis. Your nail should fit snugly in the first knuckle of your thumb.
- Average length erect (standing): - 5-6 inches (125-150mm) base to tip;
- Average length erect (laying on back): - 8-10 inches (225-275mm) anus to tip.
- Approximately one man in two hundred has an erect length of 8 inches or more while standing, and most women find this length painful.
- Asian men often have smaller packages than caucasians but not always;
- Dark-skinned men only sometimes have larger-than-average members;
- The penis has no bone. It is comprised of three cylindric tubes that fill with blood. Hence, there is no correlation between the size of a soft penis and a hard penis. Some men with large penises on the slack may grow very little when hard, while guys with small penises on the slack can grow exponentially.
- I have handled over 25,000 erections, and yes, I can say with considerable authority that penis length definitely seems to be decreasing with each generation. Something is shrinking our dicks.
The Penis and Sex
- Thickness at the base of the penis shaft provides the most stimulation to women, not length.
- For gay anal sex, more length can be desirable as the tip stimulates the prostate, but opinion is divided on how much is too much.
- The most erogenous parts of your junk are the circumference at the very base of the penis, the underside of the shaft, the underside of the glans (knob); the perineum (the area between the scrotum and anus); the skin immediately surrounding the anus, and internally, the prostate.
- Preference of cut (circumcised) versus uncut seems equally divided. Lovers are more worried about hygiene, which is more of an issue for uncut guys. Take the time when bathing to clean properly.
Penis Appearance
- It is common for an aroused penis to sometimes be bent, and other times not;
- In very cold weather, it is common for the penis to shrink remarkably;
- In present times, circumcised versus uncircumcised is about 50/50. For guys born in the 80s and 90s, uncircumcised was more common; for guys born before the 1980s, circumcised was more common;
- Penis pumps do not make your shaft grow bigger. They can and do cause damage;
Majestical Testicles
- The average scrotum can stretch around a golf ball. Some can even engulf an apple.
- There is no correlation between testicle size and penis size. Men with very large testes may have a small penis, and vice versa;
- It is common for one testicle to be slightly smaller, and for one to hang lower;
- It is normal for the skin of the scrotum to be darker;
- In cold weather, it is natural for the testes to rise up into the body;
- Your scrotum is meant to be creased and wrinkly. This enables it to stretch. Never scrub your scrotum with soap and remember to moisturise your balls from time to time to stop them cracking.
- It is true that testicles shrink with the use of anabolic steroids, and the difference is dramatic. I have seen grown men on steroids with scrotums like those of a newborn baby;
- An ejaculation contains around 5 to 20ml of fluid;
- After a vasectomy, the testicles will often sit higher or lower than they used to, due to the cutting or tying off of the vas deferens. It is of cosmetic interest only, and chances are that no one but the owner would be aware of the difference;
- Vasectomies usually cause sperm granulomas, which are reputedly harmless but often uncomfortable.
- Vasectomies may increase the risk of prostate cancer.
The Penis and Life Stages
- Young men commonly begin entering puberty at around 12 to 14 years, however some may commence significantly younger or older.
- Men experience three significant hair growth phases as dormant hair cells come to life; the first during puberty, then another in their mid-twenties, then again in their mid-thirties. By age forty, the vast majority of dormant hair cells will be active.
- The age at which one begins puberty does not necessarily correlate to genital size, or overall body shape and build. When boys begin puberty late, they often grow much quicker than their earlier blooming contemporaries. It balances out in the end.
- It is common to see your first grey pubic hair during your twenties;
- During puberty, the average testicle is not much bigger than a marble. During this time, the scrotum can seem overly big compared to its contents, however the girth of the testes continues to increase well after puberty, and by mid 20s can range from the size of a Malteser to a large hen's egg;
- During puberty, it is common for a male erection to stand quite perpendicular, and towards the end of puberty, the angle drops. In fully matured men, an erection usually sits at a right angle to the body or mildly perpendicular;
Improving your sex life
The vast majority of what you read on the subject of penis size, erectile dysfunction and so forth - written by supposed experts (they are always doctors or professors) - is hype.
These people have something to sell. They want you to feel bad about yourself so you pay good money to fix an often non-existent problem. Here is my collection of tips you might like to try.
- First and foremost, if you are in a relationship, and your sexual needs do not match those of your partner, talk. Don't leave them guessing or insult them by having an affair. Poor communication and infidelity are the top relationship killers.
- Whether you are a younger or older male, downstairs can become tender if your skin dries out. Remember to moisturise.
- If you are prone to premature ejaculation, try:
- masturbate an hour or two before sex to ease the back pressure, so to speak;
- wear a condom, or an extra condom if you already wear one;
- spend more time helping your partner approach climax before penetrating them;
- have a mental image in reserve - such as your mother-in-law naked - that you can draw upon to dull your excitement if you get worked up too quickly.
- If you are uncomfortable with your genitalia, face up to it. Become familiar with it. Touch it, experience each sensation and don't despise it. It is part of your anatomy. It is part of you.
- Masturbation cleans your plumbing. Unless you have a weak heart, you cannot do it too much. Many research articles suggest that masturbating or having sex five times a week is a good number to maximise prostate and testicle health.
