I'm 16 and want a Manzilian but the men's waxing studio said I'm too young. Legally, how old do I need to be to get my pubic hair waxed?
At what age is a boy a man?
For reasons unknown, government bodies the world over, seem unable to nominate the age at which a boy attains sufficient maturity, to request and receive a Manzilian wax of his own volition.
Should it be upon the arrival of puberty, say 12 or 13? Or the achievement of adulthood, say 18 to 21?
Or should it, as most practitioners agree, align precisely with the legal age of sexual consent?
I realise it's a 'first world problem', largely insignificant in the greater scheme of things, but in this era of hyper-regulation, the absence of rules to guide young men is mystifying, and for those affected, frustrating.
Decisions are left to the ethics or imagination of biased parties, or worse, to the ubiquitously quoted 'community standards' which couldn't be more abstract.
Definition please? Anyone?
Fine then. As someone unafraid of controversy, I'll take over the conversation and speak on behalf of humanity. You're welcome. Hush, you're too late - I'm in charge now.
Allow me to explain how it works in the big bad world of male beauty, and the reasons why things are the way they are.
Do bear in mind that I write this slightly satirical piece from the perspective of the confusing-yet-common laws that apply in my home state of Queensland, Australia.
I realise most of my visitors are international. You will need to research and apply your own laws, but I imagine that the principles are largely universal.
Age of Consent vs Age of Maturity
Ahhh, little Joey.
You will perhaps be pleased and terrified in equal measure to learn that Joey exists. This all took place.
Immediately after our exchange, I deleted his photos, removed my SD card, soaked it in a cup of bleach, then took it outside, smashed it with a hammer, doused it in petrol, and set it on fire.
And then a week later, I waxed him.
😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲
Yeah, I know.
A lad on a mission
It turns out that Jail-bait Joey got quite livid at the world about the unfairness of his situation.
He researched the matter, contacting teen help-lines and various government agencies for clarification but found none, which only reinforced what I told him.
Finally, he vented to his mother, which included letting her read our conversation and showing her my website.
Now, as you can imagine, that could've gone either way.
I'm pushing 60, an introvert, happily divorced, openly bisexual, and have a f&%king weird job handling dicks and vadges all day.
I can see how, to the mother of a 15 year old boy, I may appear to wave A BILLION RED FLAGS.
But my integrity, as evidenced in Joey's chat history, impressed her. She dropped in and we had coffee.
Instead of explaining the details to Joey, I explained them to her, not only as a service provider but also as a father and grandfather.
I voiced my opinion that the age of sexual consent seemed a valid age to wax the genitalia of a teenage youth. This reiterated Joey's belief as well, and as it turns out, hers.
I doubt that Cool Mumma's signed consent holds any legal weight but it was important for me to have proof she was involved in the process.
With no one in authority interested, she would have been the only one likely to make a fuss.
Thus, I waxed Joey's junk on his birthday, and every six weeks since. As I see him naked on a regular basis, he has thankfully stopped texting me nudes.
Teenage male waxing and the law ... sort of
I handle a noteworthy amount of teenage dick. Not copious volumes, but if I lined them up end to end, perhaps a metre or two each month.
I like to lead with this factoid at social gatherings when asked what I do for a living. I provide no more context, just leave it hanging, then wander off to find the canapés.
And certainly, what Joey said is true. In Queensland, the age of sexual consent is 16, so assuming the act is consensual, it's legally fine for me to handle his junk, or indeed, drill him senseless, at said age.
HOWEVER it could conceivably be argued by an uptight judge with a coke-fuelled anime addiction, that marketing material for Manzilian waxing is [rhymes with corn] and thus deserving of an 18+ label.
DOUBLE HOWEVER I can counter that argument by publicly stating, and ensuring also in practice, that I never treat a minor without his guardian's consent.
SOOOOOO, out of wisdom and self-preservation, my official policy is this:
I will perform intimate body work on a 16yo male BUT ONLY if a parent is involved in the enquiry process and also co-signs the form, as Joey's mum was, and did. Otherwise, it's 18.
The collapse of best intentions
The reality though, is that Joey is a rare human. He's an idealist and problem solver with some wonderful character traits.
But at the same time, some might call him thick.
Joey could have saved everyone a lot of grief. I (inadvertently) gave him the easiest way out. I asked him his age, and then he asked how old he needed to be. I gave him the answer.
Let me just repeat the glaringly obvious.
I GAVE HIM THE F*&KING ANSWER !!!!
He knew the number I needed was 18. Damn his honesty to hell.
"Oh no, I'm a good boy."
Had he been a little less upstanding*, he would have realised the solution was to lie about his age. He could have said he was 18, thus granting me deniability and allowing me to treat him as an adult.
*ignoring the fact that he invited me to his party with facetiously-captioned and insanely illegal selfies that are burned into my retinas forever.
How would I have known he lied? If he writes 18 on his client form, then it's true. Without laws in place to protect him or me, his word is king.
I have no obligation to check his age, or any right to ask for ID. The truthfulness of his statement doesn't matter, only that he signs that it's true.
But when he admits he's a minor? Dude, game over. There's no coming back from that.
So that's where the law stands right now, with everyone unprotected, legally, emotionally, or physically. It seriously frustrates the f%&k out of me because it's such a simple legal fix, but hey, what do I know?
Yes, I'm waffling. Maybe I overthink things, imagining problems where there are none. I hope so. I don't mind being that guy.
So, let's bring closure to this topic, and I shall do so with a pearl of paternal wisdom.
It's bad to be bad
Let me state emphatically that I do not endorse any teenage boy lying about his age or any aspect of his life for personal gain.
That would be immoral and reprehensible, like that time you told your mates you touched a boob.
That said, should you venture down said path of lying about your age to your waxing practitioner, I wish you good luck and hope it ends well.
BUT, and I say this with love and affection, if I am the waxing practitioner you lie to, and YOUR MUM GOES MENTAL AND STARTS LOSING HER SH*T, consider yourself warned that I will end you.
I will hunt you down and f*&%ing end you.
Imagine Deadpool meets John Wick. Deadwick. That'll be me. And I'm keeping your dog.
